Isaiah 64:8 Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Got teenagers? Ever feel that you are at your wits end (Psalm 107:27-28)? Having to read book after book to see if you’ve lost your mind…or if your teenager has lost theirs? How are you doing dealing with their idiosyncrasies, frustrations, emotional stresses and daily turmoil? And just when you think you’ve got their put downs and shakedowns and their highs and lows figured out, it all starts over again! Listen, do you want to get ahead of the teenager years? Do you want to know the secret?

Start the training while they’re young!

I thought this definition of a teenager is humorous and insightful: “Between childhood and adulthood, proved the NIH’s (National Institutes of Health) study, ‘The Teen Brain: Still Under Construction’, critical physical changes are taking place. These result in impulsiveness, excessive risk-taking, uncontrollable mood swings; all behaviors parents might have thought were designed solely to cause them maximum grief, but which are in fact vital processes in the brain’s development.”

As parents, we are their models, the examples we hope our teens will emulate beginning at birth to the day they become independent thinkers. This is what we live for! To see our kids change from dependent children to independent adults, successful because of the good morals, experienced decision-making, godly values, Christ-like thinking that we pass on to them while they are under our watchcare and nurturing. When they become independent adults, this is when we get to enjoy a new relationship with them as peers. This is the most rewarding experience of our lives. To see your “kids achieve things we couldn’t quite reach is the greatest joy of parenthood.” (Jay Kesler, Raising Responsible Kids)

And it’s all worth it…praise God.

Research has shown key differences between individuals with high and low self-esteem. For example, people with high self-esteem focus on growth and improvement, whereas people with low self-esteem focus on not making mistakes in life. Joseph, who we find in Genesis 37-45, was surely an individual with high self-esteem. If there ever was the worst scenario that could happen to a 17 year old boy, it happened to Joseph. Think about it – Joseph was loved by his father and yet envied and hated by his brothers so much they planned to kill him; mocked for being a dreamer of dreams; cast into an empty deep well; sold to slave traders; falsely accused of sexually abusing Potiphar’s wife; cast into prison and forgotten; only to be recognized by the pharaoh as an interpreter of dreams and raised up by God to be the Governor of Egypt! In the end (Genesis 42-49) Joseph didn’t hold any animosity, anger, or resentment; rather, he loved and forgave his brothers and he restored his relationship of love with his father Jacob. Joseph kept true to his God.

As parents, isn’t it our goal to teach our teens how to respond and deal with the pressures of life when those waves come crashing down? What to do and how to respond to negativity and acts of cruelty that may come their way are things we can teach them. It’s important for them to see how we also deal with measurable failure, hardship and conflict coupled with acts of apology and forgiveness. Things that are real and heartfelt leave a lasting impact. They observe our every move…let’s teach them well.

“Your job as a parent is a calling from God. It is more important than your vocation, bank account, education, or even, your own happiness. Besides your relationship with God himself, your influence and impact with your children is primary and will no doubt be your greatest legacy (Jim Burns, Ph.D., How to Be a Happy Healthy Family).”

If you’re having difficult years with your teenager let me share some good news I’ve personally experienced and seen firsthand. Those young people who gave their parents a “run for their money” became successful, determined, motivated, and transformed individuals as they emerged out of the murky goo that held them hostage. They’ve learned from their failures, and turning their lives over to God, have gone on to become incredible, responsible, confident adults. Just as a beautifully emerging monarch butterfly bursts loose from its chrysalis, TRANSFORMED (Romans 12:2).

Remember, parenting is delayed gratification. It isn’t easy. It can be frustrating. It takes time.

I’ve seen this miraculous transformation (metamorphosis) occur many times over. I recently received an endearing thank you card at work that expressed these words to me, “Thank you for being a light in my life when I was at my lowest point…I will never forget how you were there for me…Thank you for helping me be the person I am today!” My heart was filled with gratitude unto the Lord for His mighty hand – the Potter’s hand that supernaturally changes an indistinguishable heart of stone into something beautiful – a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

The greatest message that resonated throughout my teenage years was the implicit willingness of my parents to be there for us even when we embarrassed them and engaged in wrongful, foolish activities that landed us in trouble with authorities. Oh yes, we learned our lessons and consequences! Dad and Mom were there even when we hit the brick wall and momentarily experienced failure, chose to make poor-decisions, or slumped into our lowest emotional ebb, grief, and depression. Did we have the perfect family? By no means. But we stuck together through it all and kept coming back together even when it hurt.

Stephen R. Covey in his book, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Families, opens his first chapter with these words, “Good families – even great families – are off track 90 percent of the time! The key is that they have a sense of destination. They know what the “track” looks like. And they keep coming back to it time and time again.”

If ever your children (or you) are dampened by the futileness of the world and you hear the words being spoken, “I’m not good enough,” “God can’t use me,” “What can I offer in His kingdom and service,” remind them (and yourself) of the multitude of biblical men and women who also felt unworthy to serve, full of excuse, downcast, lost in sin, or torn apart by worldly schemes. But then, upon surrendering themselves to the Potter’s hand, became fashioned as beautiful vessels of light!

Remember, it’s God working in you to His good pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13; Romans 8:15-18).

Consider the following:

“Moses stuttered.

–David’s armor didn’t fit.

—John Mark was rejected by Paul.

—-Hosea’s wife was a prostitute.

—–Amos’ only training was in the school of fig-tree pruning.

——Jacob was a liar.

——-David had an affair.

——–Solomon was too rich.

———Abraham was too old.

———-David was too young.

———–Timothy had ulcers.

————-Peter was afraid of death.

————–Lazarus was dead.

—————John was self-righteous.

—————-Jesus was too poor.

—————Naomi was a widow.

————–Paul was a murder. So was Moses.

————-Jonah ran from God.

————Miriam was a gossip.

———–Gideon and Thomas both doubted.

———-Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.

———Elijah was burned out.

——–John the Baptist was a loudmouth.

——-Martha was a worry-wart.

——Mary was lazy.

—–Samson had long hair.

—-Noah got drunk.

—Did I mention that Moses had a short fuse?

–So did Peter…

-And Paul – well, lots of folks did.

God doesn’t require a job interview. He doesn’t hire and fire like most bosses, because He’s more our Dad than our Boss. He doesn’t look at financial gain or loss. He’s not prejudiced or partial, not judging, grudging, sassy or brassy, not deaf to our cry, not blind to our need. As much as we try, God’s gifts are free. We could do wonderful things for wonderful people and still not be…wonderful.

Satan says, “You’re not worthy.” Jesus says, “So what? I AM.”

Satan says, “Look back and see your mistakes.” God says, “Look ahead and see the cross” (anonymous).

If your teenager learns this message alone, he or she will fair well through life – and so will you!

Here are some helpful tips to improve your teenager’s low self-esteem:

1. Focus on effort and accomplishments, NOT PERFECTION!

2. Teach your teen how to use POSITIVE SELF TALK.

3. Encourage your teen to TRY NEW THINGS.

4. Help your teen learn how to SET GOALS and then take steps to ACCOMPLISH THEM.

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